I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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