You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
