I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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