so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
