i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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