So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
