why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
