she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
