Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
