weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
