i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
