If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
