Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
