yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
