Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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