she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
