Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
