I will die if light touches me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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