Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
