Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
