Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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