is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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