I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
