every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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