franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
