If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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