Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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