u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Your dad touched me again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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