Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
