i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
