i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
