My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
