Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
