Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize