i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
