she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
