I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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