You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize