a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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