would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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