lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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