I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
