mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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