I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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