take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
