god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
