i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
