very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
