and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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