He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
