Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
