WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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