She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
