I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
