First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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