so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
