I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
