You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
