I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
