just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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