it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
