how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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