census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
