man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
