by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
