Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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