If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
