Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
