No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
