It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize