never play flip cup with pint glasses
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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