so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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