I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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