it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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