dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
