i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
